so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
