Please, let me fuck your mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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