Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
