did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
