I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
