It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
