I wish I could teleport
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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