Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
