the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
And then he peed in my hair
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