Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
