I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
