I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
