my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
