something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
