After last night, I could never be a politician.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize