so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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