I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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