Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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