8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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