I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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