Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
