i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
