Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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