Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
