why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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