Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
