yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
