She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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