So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
