so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
