Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
