i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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