i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
