What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
