Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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