The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
