No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
