btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
