I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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