im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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