Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
