the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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