I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
