Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hippo gnu deer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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