i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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