i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
