I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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