I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
