Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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