how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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