He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You brought string cheese to the strip club
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
