I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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