We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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