I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
