how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
