remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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