We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
