i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
