i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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