The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
