I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
