An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
