By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
