God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
