he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
