I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
