Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
